Posted by: joha5 | August 3, 2010

Paul the Octopus Feuds with Ahmadinejad, Will Release an Elvis Cover Album (…Seriously)

Paul the Octopus had a hell of a run, didn’t he?  He correctly predicted the World Cup winner (Spain) and he went an astonishing 8-0 during the bracket games.  Then him and his lazy tentacles decided to retire.

His star had risen.  The German aquarium in Oberhausen – where Paul resides – generated the appropriate publicity and ticket sales out of this event without pushing things too far, PETA never got involved and he was going to live out the rest of his joyous cephalopodian life relaxing and doing endorsements for those who are willing to pay.  In fact, as of now he has received more than 160 different commercial offers.  His agent (!!!), Chris Davies, appears to be working overtime with Paul.  He recently issued a statement revealing some of Paul’s latest projects.  

“There are books being written, a range of octopus toys are coming out this Christmas and there is even a new iPhone app.  One of the most exciting things is that he has a record deal in place for an album, called Paul The Octopus Sings Elvis.”

I know this might seem like a joke and that I am fabricating statements by fake people.  This, however, is legitimately real.  Paul the Octopus actually has an agent named Chris Davies and these are real projects in Paul’s pipeline.  You’re probably not alone in wondering just how an octopus will release an album, but I’m willing to bet the farm – or tank – that it will involve a vuvuzela, underwater sound effects, and accompanying piano by Yanni (And they still can’t cure cancer).

Paul the Octopus warming up his vocal chords (errr...beak).

Things were going swimmingly for Paul (see what I did there?) and life was as it should be for a retired fortune-telling mollusk of international fame.  But then an unwelcome guest entered the fray.  That guest is the leader of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  During a speech at a festival in Iran over the weekend, Ahmadinejad made this statement:

“Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection, basing themselves in the love of all sacred values,” he said.

Ahmadinejad also pointed out that Paul the Octopus is a symbol of decadence and decay among “his enemies” while accusing Paul of spreading “western propaganda and superstition.”

Gosh.  When he says it like that, a fortune-telling sea creature almost sounds like a bad thing.  I could be wrong about this but I feel that Ahmadinejad would like to be taken seriously on the world stage.  While I’m certain he’ll never read this post, I do have one small bit of advice for him…no one will take you seriously if you criticize an octopus – especially Paul. Just a simple fact. 

And while I am giving out advice to renegade world leaders I just have one more thing to say to Mr. Ahmadinejad: never mess with an octopus. Paul’s network has many arms and a long reach, he will find you and he will have his revenge.  Because if there is one thing Paul has proven by being able to predict World Cup match results or release an Elvis cover album or even a book series, it is that Paul can do anything he damn well pleases.

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Responses

  1. It is the very fact that “Paul can do anything he damn well pleases” that worries Mr. Ahmadinejad. He’s watching his back.
    Bill

  2. Haha! Hey Bill! Good to see you again! This whole Paul the Octopus thing has just taken on a life of its own. I thought it would slowly fade away after the World Cup – and it certainly has to a degree – but the fact that I still see news reports on him a month after the tournament finished is just crazy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Paul was behind the attack on Ahmadinejad’s motorcade in Iran yesterday. Now wouldn’t that be a story?!?!


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