Posted by: joha5 | June 2, 2010

Turning a Negative into a Positive

I have developed this problem recently where I wake up at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night in a brutally hot sweat and am consequently unable to fall back asleep for an hour or two.  Without trying to sound like I am neurotic – or a total nutball – the reason I can’t fall asleep is because I have 10,000 thoughts running at 10,000 miles an hour in 10,000 different directions: some good and some bad.  I wake up and all of a sudden I can’t stop wondering about what happened with some guy that I emailed about that job a couple of weeks ago.  This thought then leads to me figuring out how to approach him again which then leads to me stressing out about employment which then leads to money and money leads to me reluctantly doing mathematically calculations in my head about how much money I owe this month for my phone bill or for student loans.  This will then lead to me thinking of all of the upcoming expenses I am going to incur for any possible thing you could imagine.  It is an endless cycle that ends in me panicking stupidlyabout a bunch of things that I can’t control in that moment – that and a total lack of sleep.

The Result of Not Sleeping = Embarrassment

Whenever I wake up the next morning from one of these rough nights of sleep I just feel the need to spring into action to attempt to alleviate any stress I could possibly have so that I don’t have the same kind of experience the next night.  I had one of these sleepless and sweaty nights last night and, as a result, I have been more productive than you could possibly imagine today.  Even though I am deathly exhausted and am running on empty I am just so pleased with all of the things that I have achieved today.  I’ve sorted out a manageable (yet temporary) way to pay off my student loans, I have sent off my passport renewal application, I bought cheap tickets to see Kelis and Robyn in Washington, D.C. on August 2nd, I made myself a great lunch, I purchased a couple of things that I needed online for a great bargain price, I did some reading of my new book that I started over the weekend, I went and bought a whole bunch of new toiletries that I had run out of, and I am even ready to go to work this afternoon early!  Today has truly been a shocking day.

But perhaps the best part is that I have turned a negative experience into something positive which is an accomplishment any way you slice it – and this is what I am most proud about.  It would have been very easy for me to wake up over and over again, to have taken a long nap on the sofa and just have been a slovenly mess until it was time to get ready to go to work.  But I didn’t.  While I wasn’t in the mood to deal with any of this stuff today it just feels so much better to know that I have actually just dealt with a lot of what was causing my stress in the first place.  This is just a small and pyrhic victory in the long run and if it wasn’t the actual problems that I dealt with today then it would most certainly be something else.  But that doesn’t matter.  What matters is actually taking the bull by the horns and – win or lose – just to know that you have done your best to take control of your life just when you feel like things are spiraling out of control.

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