Posted by: joha5 | May 29, 2010

Facing the Demons of Unemployment

There is definitely something to be said for boredom but there are times when boredom eats away at your mind and soul like rust on metal.  I have had my fair share of boredom to last a lifetime over the past months of being mostly unemployed and I have largely learned how to deal with its ups and downs.  But there are days when it really gets to me and I just can’t do anything about it.  So far, today is one of those days. 

Most days I get up and have things that I have to do, jobs to apply for, friends to meet with, people to e-mail, or even classes to teach.  While most of the work can be tedious and boring, I just really love being in some form of a routine whereas I know what to do, when to do it by, and what to expect.  In general, I just really like being busy and feeling productive.  When you are unemployed, there actually is no routine so I have done my best to create the semblance of one to try and maintain my sanity.  When I have things to do and to get done, it works.  But when I have nothing on the docket, it backfires like an old Winchester rifle. 

...at least I know millions of others are feeling my pain too.

What’s more is that when I am motivated to work I feel like I can get anything done but when I am not working and my motivation is low, just writing the shortest e-mail, making the simplest phone call, or running the easiest errand seems like a task of mammoth proportions.  If I am honest with myself, I could probably do a handful of things today.  I could.  But I won’t.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’d like to.  I really would.  But I just can’t.  When you feel low and unmotivated just the idea of sitting down to do work can be soul-destroying.  I know this sounds ridiculous and like I am beginning to border on the absurd but it is true.  It’s almost as if the world will collapse if I force myself to these menial tasks.  Obviously it won’t but there are days when I just don’t feel like being ‘on the clock’. 

All of this is really a self-fulfilling prophecy though.  The less I work, the less I feel like working and this results in a higher chance of being unemployed for longer.  Yet the more I work, the higher the potential success becomes of gaining full-time employment – which would be great if I actually felt like I was on my way to gaining employment.  So I work hard, get no results, and then end up feeling low.  This now makes me want to work less and I stop working until I force myself to get out of the proverbial gutter and just deal with it.  And the cycle begins all over again.  It is unspeakably frustrating. 

It is the Saturday on Memorial Day Weekend 2010.  Many of my friend’s are at the beach, or out in the sun, or visiting their family, or watching a movie, or doing an endless possibility of fun activities.  I, however, am sitting at home battling with my own demons about what to do with my life and how – and where – I could possibly make my next step.  I know this all sounds very depressing.  But honestly, it isn’t.  Someday soon this will all seem like a distant memory and I will look back and realize how it helped to shape me as a person and how resilient I am to have dealt with such a difficult hardship.  It is just tough to gain that perspective when you are still involved in such a difficult situation. 

I’ll find something to do and I will extricate myself from the house come hell or high water because I know that sitting here beating back the demons of unemployment won’t get me a job any sooner.  This is just a small battle in a much larger war.  I may lose today but I will be damned if I don’t win the war – whenever that may be. 

I know this beast all too well

Advertisements

Responses

  1. This article speaks to me on so many levels. I especially related how unemployment can be soul destroying. That picture of the unemployment monster reminds me of harsh interviewers too. Thanks for baring your soul and sharing.

    • I honestly cannot thank you enough for your kind words and your similar feelings about all of this unemployment business. It ibviously isn’t easy to deal with on any level so the fact that I know somebody is out there feeling the same way I do helps an enormous amount. Things will change soon but never forget to keep working hard and always have a positive attitude!

      • I love your positive attitude..hope it rubs off on me 🙂

  2. […] There is definitely something to be said for boredom but there are times when boredom eats away at your mind and soul like rust on metal.  I have had my fair share of boredom to last a lifetime over the past months of being mostly unemployed and I have largely learned how to deal with its ups and downs.  But there are days when it really gets to me and I just can't do anything about it.  So far, today is one of those days.  Most days I get up and … Read More […]

  3. I just re-blogged your post because it is just that good and has to be shared with everyone in Singapore who can feel your pain. So glad WordPress introduced this new re-blogging button today.

    • I saw this new re-blogging button earlier today but I had no idea what it was about at all! Thank you so much for posting my stuff on your blog. I hope that people enjoy it! Please definitely let me know how it is received over there in Singapore and I hope you get a ton of hits off of it too! Thanks again my friend!!

  4. If you were in Singapore you’d probably get snapped up at the job market, with all your talents.

    • Hahaha! I wish that was the case! Seems like my talents aren’t good enough at the moment for a job that I want in DC or in London and I am sure Singapore is a much tougher market! Who knows…weirder things have happened than for me to apply for and get a job in Singapore!

  5. one of my friends read your post and was blown away by how well you write…just wanted to pass that on 🙂

  6. […] There is definitely something to be said for boredom but there are times when boredom eats away at your mind and soul like rust on metal.  I have had my fair share of boredom to last a lifetime over the past months of being mostly unemployed and I have largely learned how to deal with its ups and downs.  But there are days when it really gets to me and I just can't do anything about it.  So far, today is one of those days.  Most days I get up and … Read More […]

  7. This is so true of today. When will employers sit up and listen to us the working class, instead of snubbing us at every chance they get.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: