Posted by: joha5 | May 7, 2010

Shock & Awe: Ghostly Solutions for the Home

I absolutely, categorically, patently, 100% believe in ghosts.  This fact alone is strange considering I am not religious, skeptically spiritual, and rely heavily on intellect and critical thinking to form my belief’s.  The supernatural realm lies outside all of these parameters and yet I still believe in them.  I don’t want to believe in them but something about the fiber of my being actually makes me believe that they exist.  I haven’t formed an explanation as to why I think they do because I genuinely try not to think about it.  Also, I feel that the more I think about it the more they will know and then they will have no excuse to come and find me.  This may sound absurd.  And that is because it is.  

Go Away, Ghosts! Just Leave Me Alone!!

I have had a couple of encounters with ghosts before.  I am not talking about jokes being played on me by friends or sounds coming from my walls or weird drops in temperature (although I have experienced all of those as well).  I mean that I feel that I have witnessed something genuinely supernatural that is beyond anything that I can explain to this day.  I once witnessed a dark shadow cross a threshold at the top of a staircase and as soon as it crossed from one side to the other, two doors slammed at exactly the same time.  Don’t laugh.  It genuinely happened.  Don’t tell me the windows were open (they weren’t).  Don’t tell me I was drunk (I wasn’t).  People think I am crazy when I say this but it really did happen and you will just have to accept the fact that it did.  I also have witnessed a sort of shadow or spirit or something move around in a corner of a room in a house previously known to be haunted.  Again, I know you will think I’m crazy.  Don’t question.  Just accept.  

The first one is the most inexplicable one to me but the second one just confirmed that there are ghosts out there and they are hellbent on finding me.  I actually don’t blame them one bit because if it is a reaction they are looking for, then they most certainly are getting the most bang for their buck.  I can just imagine one ghost playing a trick on me – like the two doors slamming trick – while another one is standing (floating?) in the corner with a camera ready to tape my reaction.  Oh the laughs they would have!  The truth is that they probably don’t even need a camera these days because when I feel the aura of a ghost in a room – and I feel it – I take a lot of very embarrassing preemptive cautionary actions to stay safe. 

Is there a ghost in the basement?  No problem.  Just throw a shoe down the stairs to scare it away.  Noises coming from the walls?  Don’t worry about it.  Just bang on the wall with your fists and scream at the top of your lungs.  Oh!  A phantom in your bedroom?  I got it.  Just reach around the door frame, flip the switch and run in the room as fast as you can.  That will solve the problem.  Sometimes I think I should start my own organic ghostbusting company (organic because I don’t use the Proton Gun as seen in the movies).  Homemade solutions for supernatural problems!  

Hey Ghost! Get Off My Cupcake!!

I don’t do these things very often anymore but when I do, it is because I am absolutely convinced something otherworldly is going on.  These precautions don’t embarrass me in the slightest.  What does embarrass me is the way I feel when I enter the room in question.  Ghost in the basement?  Nope.  Just the air-conditioning rattling the wall a little bit.  Noises coming from the walls?  Yup.  Call the exterminator and get those damn squirrels out of there.  Phantom in my bedroom?  Not unless you consider a fly running into my lampshade over and over again a ‘phantom’.  No wonder I become extremely embarrassed and ashamed of my actions.  I am basically running around my house throwing shoes all over the place, banging on walls, and bursting into rooms at full speed for apparently no reason at all.  

The sad thing is that this feeling of shame I have after I have destroyed these ghosts doesn’t disappear.  For some reason, my belief in ghosts only grows bigger with every encounter even if I can explain what the hell is going on.  I think this is probably because I need to validate the absurd precautions that I take to keep ghosts away.  If I admit to myself (and I never will) that I am doing all of these crazy things from time to time in vain then I will just feel like a very silly person – ghosts or no ghosts.  So when I realize that the ghost was really just the air conditioning I have to say to myself ‘Well, it could have been a ghost.  Thank God you were prepared this time around!’.  Essentially, my fear exists only because I feel the need to legitimately validate them when I have this so-called ‘premonition’.  This premonition is obviously lying to me and, because of it, I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle of being afraid of ghosts that don’t really exist.  After reading this you wouldn’t believe that I am a 28-year-old man.  But I am.  I am a 28-year-old man who believes in ghosts that don’t really exist and I don’t know which is scarier.

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Responses

  1. never seen any but believe in them too. & 28 us young…very young! 🙂

    • Hahaha! I don’t know where ghosts come from, what makes them the way they are, or even why they are there in the first place. In fact, I know nothing about them other than that I actually believe they exist. I just like it when they stay away from me. Let’s hope we don’t have any ‘encounters’ any time soon!

  2. Speaking of things you are terrified of, you should share your love of deer with the inter-webs.

    • Libby! Have you just outted me as being afraid of deer?! Maybe I should change the topic of this blog from unemployment to everything that I could possibly be afraid of. I’d probably have more to write about in the long run!

  3. I would be pissed off too if that ghost was on my cupcake.

    • Haha! That ghost is essentially bigger than the whole damn cupcake so damn right you’d be pissed off!


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